Love Triangle OneShots
by The-Bubbling-Pipe
Summary: Just some one-shots on love triangles and which pairing will come out on top.
1. Creek vs Cromas

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own South Park or any of its characters.**

**Rated T just in case. I think one F-bomb.**

**So I'm sure this idea has been done before but I couldn't help but do it!**

**Everyone has their favourite pairing for a character, and I find it funny to think they're competing against each other. Meh.**

**This is told from Thomas's point of view. Enjoy!**

**Creek Vs Cromas**

Today appeared to be any normal day in South Park. It was cold, a monster had attacked the town, Kenny had died, etc. The only physical difference was that ,instead of a thick blanket of snow covering everything, large droplets of water were falling from the sky, thoroughly soaking anything, or anyone, unlucky enough to be caught in it.

I was one of those things. Although I was out in this weather by my own choice, my clothes soaked through and blonde hair plastered to my face at odd place, and I was walking towards my destination with purpose and determination.

You see, today I was going to ask out the man of my dreams. His jet back hair always covered by his blue chullo hat, the way he pulled the finger at anyone and anything, not caring whether he offends, his apathetic blue eyes, looking at you yet looking past you. This lovely little package was known as Craig Tucker. And all these things made me adore him even more.

This obsession...I mean crush! began 7 long years ago. The moment he asked if he could do my laundry, I was hooked. He seemed so smitten with me then, but he soon bore of my ability to swear without consequences, hanging out with me less and less, until he no longer bothered to even acknowledge me in the corridors.

But I knew this wasn't personal. He was Craig Tucker. He had an image to upkeep. He still cared for me, deep down I knew this for a fact.

And so I've been pining for him ever since. But that would end today. Because he would be mine.

My walk, during which I got drenched to the bone, was nearly at its end. I was approaching my destination. The nerves caused me to walk faster and swear more often, which was earning me odd looks from anyone who happened to be braving the weather.

Then, my destination was in sight. Harbucks coffee store. Recently I had seen Craig often sitting in there, just staring off into space. God knows why, coffee has a terrible taste to it.

My heart began to race as I saw my love exiting the store. With determination clearly visible in my eyes, I began to march up to him. He was just standing there, cold eyes glued to the door of the coffee shop he'd just exiting, umbrella held slightly away from him, as if waiting for someone to get under it with him. I would gladly fill this position.

The twitchy blonde I'd often seen with Craig exited the cafe, hands tightly grasping a thermos to his chest as though his life depended on it. Which it probably did. Bloody druggie. Once Craig was mine I would put an end to that.

But then I stopped mid march, mouth agape and heart dropping. Craig, _his_ Craig, was kissing the drugged up blonde. I was still standing at my fixed position when the couple walked past, blush tinting their cheeks and lost in each other's eyes, Craig too occupied to even spare me a second glance.

"Fuck"

**Go Tweek! Coz' Craig likes the taste of coffee.**

**If anyone has any pairing ideas, please leave them in a review and tell me who you want to win!**

**Btw I will right one shortly that will be DamienxPip Vs ChristophexPip. Is there any preference on who will claim the Brit?**


	2. Dip vs Chip

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own South Park or any of its characters.**

**It's Dip vs. Chip! Possibly my two favourite couples. I would have made them share Pip but Damien and Christophe aren't the sharing types.**

**Enjoy the story!**

**Dip vs. Chip**

It was the big race. Both Christophe and Damien wanted to win. Some would have said it was for the glory. Others would have said it was for the money. But both knew what they were truly fighting for; the affections of the British blonde whom, as found out only just last year, had a thig for the fast and the furious.

And so this race ment far more to the god hating boys than it did to the rest of the competitors. Thus it was no surprise that on the final lap it was a sprint for first between the two with the other drivers lagging half a lap behind.

It was at this point that Damien realised that Christophe was a better driver. I mean, it did make sense, he is a mercenary. So Damien did something his father had forbid him from doing. He used his demonic powers.

Flames engulfed Christophe's engine. This was of great joy to the crowd who cheered in appreciation. What they did not see though was the demons swirling around the flame. Christophe had figured that this may happen. He was aware that the anti-Christ was banned from using his powers, he had called him a pussy for it just the other day, but knew the noirette was not known for sticking to the rules.

And so he came prepared. He pulled the specially built gun from its place in the glove box. In it was loaded an item that had taken him months to find. One of the seven daggers of Megiddo. Pip was worth the effort of tracking down this sacred item.

Pip was worth killing for.

He took aim. To the average citizen this would have been quite a task, steering a speeding car, ignoring the flames at the engine and shooting someone, but Christophe was a mercenary for a reason.

Damien was about to cast a smug grin at the other when he saw the dagger gliding through the air. His last sight had been the dagger suspended just before his eyes and the smug grin of the Frenchman before his mortal body was destroyed forever.

Christophe continued on to win the race, showing little emotion over the death of his rival, and collected his prize; not the money and not the cup but the petite blonde at his side, who's eyes sparkled like diamonds in their adoration of Christophe and who's lips were his alone to claim.

And as he looked at the ground, the general direction of hell, he could not help but think what Damien would say.

"Pip was worth dying for"

**Naw poor Damien. I didn't really want to kill him.**

**Next up is Bunny vs. Cutters. It's written so should be posted within the next few days.**

**Please review with reviews and ideas please!**


	3. Cutters vs Bunny

**I do not own South Park**

**It's Butters time! Who will win? The fatty or poor boy? Read to find out!**

**Cutters vs. Bunny**

3 pm. Butters was eagerly waiting by the window that looked outside the front door. Every year he did this. It was somewhat of a birthday tradition. Another tradition was his mum letting him eat cake for dinner when she took pity on him. She took pity on him because every birthday, in all the 16 years that he has been on this earth, he waits beside the window, bright blue eyes wide and alive with eager expectation. And every year by dinner time they would be dulled and shining with unshed tears. Because every year no one would show up for poor Butter's birthday.

He would invite everyone in his class. He would talk about the awesome things he had planned the entire week.

But even the idea of free food could not lure the resident poor boy, Kenny McCormick, nor the local lard ass, Eric Cartman.

Unawares to Butters, the aforementioned boys did not attend his birthday, not out of dislike for their classmate, but because they were scared by how much they did like the blonde boy.

But at 16 both had grown a pair. They both figured they would be the only one attending the party until it was brought up one day at the lunch table.

This conversation quickly turned to an argument with Cartman saying no one wanted an old sock as a present (as he believed this is all Kenny could afford) and Kenny responding back with saying Cartman was too fat to even enter a store (which was very almost true).

However, below their tough exteriors, both boys were worried. What if Butters chose to return the affections of the other? It was very concerning to their 16 year old selves.

But nowhere near as concerned as Butters was right now. It was 4 o'clock and no one had shown up. Usually Butters hopes remain high until at least 6 pm, but 16 years had finally taken its toll on him and he's throwing the towel in. He was just walking towards the kitchen to use his puppy dog eyes to get some cake to drown his sorrows in, when he heard a noise he hoped for but never really expected. The doorbell.

He rushed back to the door and swung it open. Standing on his door step was none other than Eric Cartman holding a present wrapped in light blue paper with a pink bow.

"Happy Birthday Butters" He grinned shyly. He wasn't used to being nice.

"Oh thank you Eric" Butters stood on his tip toes to peck him on the cheek (That's what he saw the girls do when a guy gave them a present)

"so where's that cake?" And so they continued to the kitchen and had a great time for the remainder of Butters birthday. And Butters never noticed the blush on Cartman's cheeks every time they touched but he was sure the butterflies in his stomach weren't over nothing.

Meanwhile, lying in a ditch 5 miles away, beaten black and blue and repeatedly stabbed, was Kenny McCormick. With his last dying breath he muttered his last thought.

"Damn you, Cartman"

**I only let Cartman win coz he killed Justin Bieber. He should have some reward for that good deed.**

**Next up is...Style vs. K2 maybe?**

**Ideas please?**


	4. Style vs K2

**I do not own South Park.**

**Omg. I have so many stories to type up...argh. Even the next chapter of this. Bleaugh.**

**Have some Style vs. K2! Coz everyone loves Kyle! **

**Oh and thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You guys are epic! I'm working on some of the suggested ideas.**

**Style vs. K2**

They were sitting around the table in Cartman's basement. And by they I mean The Human Kite and Toolshed.

"Yea but you have to admit, his costume is pretty wicked" And for the fifth time that hour The Human Kite, alias Kyle Broflowski, was going on about how great Mysterion, alias Kenny McCormick, was.

Anyone else would call The Human Kite and mock him until he shut up. But, as well as being The Kites super best friend, Toolshed, alias Stan Marsh,was totally gay for him. And so everytime he swooned over Mysterion, toolshed would come up with some 'witty' remark.

"Yea but that bouncing question mark on his head is totally stupid" Toolshed's voice was gradually getting sulkier and sulkier.

"And the way he fights the bad guy. He's got total skill"

"Except for when the bad guy wins"

"And when has the bad guy won Marsh?" uh oh. He pulled out the last name. He was getting pissed.

"Ummmm..." Thankfully that's when the rest of Coon and Friends came down the stairs to begin our meeting

Toolshed couldn't help but make a comparison. Where he was Superman, Mysterion was Batman. He was your all around good guy where Mysterion had a dark past. Let's hope Kyle likes all around good guys.

But to secure The Kite as his maybe he should turn it up a notch. Yea that's what he'd do. He'd be brave and fight like a true hero. That would win the Jew over.

_Later..._

Oh crap oh crap oh crap. We got thrown through a portal to Cthulhu's dimension. And now there are hungry monsters all around. Hungry for us.

Okay Marsh. This is it. Be brave. "I don't think we're going to last very long out here" I had to think of a plan to save us. It was all up to me. And that's when Kenny butted in.

"Alright you guys hide as long as you can. I'll try and find help"

"How dude." He doesn't even realise we can't go anywhere to find help.

"Kenny where the hell are you going" Kyle really did sound like he cared.

"I'm going to try and get you all out of here. If this works. Or I Could be wrong"

And with that he leapt off the cliff. He was impaled on some spikes and the last words he uttered were "Ow. That fucking hurt"

"Oh my God. Kenny" I know he's my competition. But I would never want him to die.

As if rehearsed Kyle muttered "You...you crazy bastard". That's when I saw it. He was truly devastated. Maybe he was actually totally gay for Kenny. But he'd never get his chance now.

"You were so brave you stupid, stupid blonde. Kyle was still sobbing away. I placed a hand on his shoulder. If I couldn't be with him, I would still be his super best friend.

"It'll be okay.

And somehow it was. We were rescued and life went back to normal. Apart from the fact that Kenny and Kyle confessed their feelings for each other.

They're still together to this day, 10 years later. I guess Kyle was more of a dark knight kind of guy than the man of steel sort.

**Wow. That was bad. Someone suggested coon and friends so I rolled with it. Down a hill and into a bog.**

**So next up is Tyde vs. Stolovan. Where Clyde is a ninja.**

**And next will be Candy vs. Kyman but first I need inspiration.**


	5. Tyde vs Stolovan

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own South Park**

**I've had this written for like ever but I've been too lazy to type it up. Sorry.**

**From Clyde's Point Of View**

**Enjoy!**

**Tyde vs. Stolovan**

I must look total badass. With my awesome ninja mask and stars. I'll totally be swift. No one will hear or see me coming. Because I am a total pro at this ninja thing.

I'm walking down a familiar street. Although walking may be the wrong term. It's more like being swift, darting from tree to bush to mailbox. Yeah I'm THAT ninja.

This street is the street that my Star Wars obsessed friend, Kevin Stoley, lives down. And I was about to go total ninja on his ass.

You see, we got into this little argument the other day. This argument was about who would win in a fight; a jedi or a ninja. I voted a ninja coz you know...they're awesome. And Kevin, being the dumb fanboy he is, voted a jedi. He said something like "they have The Force". Psh...like that would help them against a ninja.

So here I am, walking down his street, about to prove that ninjas are the best.

I knew his room was around the back of their house, I had been in this room several times watching movies, a tad on-the-feminine-side movies where Kevin would get a tad too close. I put that down to him being a socially inept nerd. And so I ninja ducked my way towards his window, hiding just beneath the pane. I carefully peek over the edge, through an open window, to see him playing some Star Wars video game with his back to me. Perfect.

I flipped myself into his room, being totally silent may I add, without any reaction from its occupant. I lift up my foot, about to ninja kick him in the head when...

I was bitch slapped in the face by a bright green plastic lightsaber.

Brown looked into brown. Both showed utterly shocked expressions. Kevin's mouth formed a perfect "O" while Clyde's was thoroughly turned down at the corners. Then Clyde did what he had become somewhat famous for; he broke down in tears and ran out of the Stoley household.

Kevin did not recover quick enough to prevent the stricken ninja fleeing his house.

_Oh well _he thought _I'll buy him a taco later. Hell maybe I'll even grow a pair and ask him out._

_Meanwhile..._

How could he do that? I wasn't going to kick him that hard! WAH!

By now I'm running to my _better _friends house, one who wouldn't be that mean to me!

Token Black's household was on the other side of town but it was worth it. He would be nice to me, console me, tell me ninja's are totally better than jeid's. He might even get me a taco.

I arrive at his door and knock loudly. I'm done with being sneaky. He opens the door and looks about ready to ask me why I'm in a ninja outfit, when he notices I'm crying.

He ushers me inside to the kitchen where he makes me a taco. My life is, once again, epically amazing.

That's when I feel his lip's on mine. I have zero reaction. I hadn't even considered this which leads to me being unable to fully understand. But I'm not saying I don't like it. So I kiss back.

I feel Token smirk before pulling back.

"Well I think a ninja would totally kick a Jeidi's ass"

**That was not my greatest work I must admit. :/**

**But I saw that there is like no stories at the moment about either couple. So I decided to add to the system.**

**I have a one-shot I'm about to write but I don't know if it should be Cryde or Tyde? It's centred around Clyde anyway.**

**Read and Review!**


	6. Candy vs Kyman

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own South Park**

**Thank-you to everyone who has reviewed this story! You're all awesome!**

**An update? Only a week after the last? This is some sort of record for me.**

**Warnings: Language**

**Enjoy!**

**Candy vs. Kyman**

Walking down the corridors, everyone stares. With looks of jealousy, lust and admiration. You know why? 'Cos I'm Eric fucking Cartman.

The guys hate me coz the chicks love me. The chicks love me coz they aint never seen such athletic potential and intelligence wrapped up in a package this sexy.

And the ones who fell hardest? The Jew rat and hippy bitch. They competed for grades to please me. They spent so long on their appearances just hoping I may glance their way. "I want Eric" Was written all over them. Ever since the hippy bitch had kissed me in fourth grade, she wanted me bad. And everyone knows the Jew rat argues with me coz he wants my attention. Ever since he sucked my balls in imaginationland.

I don't even know which one I want. I mean, they both have appealing qualities. Kyle was feisty, had a nice ass and making him beg would make my day. And Wendy was sexy as hell and knows what she wants and is willing to do anything to get it. Alot like me.

So, instead of deciding, I string them both along. Coz I can that being who I am.

A wink there, a touch here. Neither know who I prefer. It just causes more tension between the two. And I do love me a bitch fight.

So I bide my time until one of them gives into their desires and becomes my bitch.

Apparently Testaburger is the first to break. She drops down on her knees infront of me, begging me to be hers, kissing my shoes like a good little slave.

The hippy bitch won. She is mine. That fantastic body, that long black hair and pretty blue eyes. All mine. And I can see the Jew rat glaring from across the corridor. Well maybe he should have begged harder.

_Meanwhile..._

"Hey, looks like fatass got someone just as deluded as him" Stan muttered to his super best friend.

Kyle glanced at the couple and saw Cartman smirk at him. A chill ran up his spine.

"Thank fuck! Maybe he'll stop touching me now"

**Apparently I can't do kyman. Lol**

**If you really want it though, tell me. Coz the next chapter is Cryle vs. Kyman.**

**Please read and review!**


	7. Kyman vs Cryle

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own South Park**

**So here you go! The 7****th**** one-shot! Hope you're in the mood for some Kyman vs. Cryle.**

**And I apologise for the incredibly short length.**

**Kyman vs. Cryle**

Kyle had a problem. Kenny said it was kinky. Stan said it was unhealthy. And Cartman said nothing because in all honesty he couldn't care less about the "Jew Rat"

This was actually the problem though. Kyle felt a strong attraction for boy's who didn't care about him. He could talk about self respect, how he had been raised to think he was worth making a deal out of, all he wanted, but the simple fact was that the less someone cared for the Jewish teen, the more attracted he became towards them.

This meant that he had the absolute largest crush on two boys at South Park High; Eric Cartman and Craig Tucker.

The way Eric yelled at him to "Shut up about his stupid Jew problems" made Kyle's heart race and he had begun to bitch about his life even more just to be yelled at by the fat boy.

And the way Craig Tucker was apathetic towards everyone and everything, the only emotion ever shown through that famous middle finger of his, oh it made Kyle weak at the knees. He had begun bumping into him in the corridors just for this reaction.

However, Kyle stuck to at least one of the morals he had been taught as a child, and thus refused to choose between either boy until he was sure which one he loved the most.

Unknown to Kyle, was that Craig and Cartman were also pining after him. So it had become a competition between the two to see whom could be the least caring towards the ginger boy, even though both wanted nothing more than to shower him in presents and treat him like royalty,

At this point a stalemate had been reached. Neither knew how to sway Kyle's affections towards themselves.

The stress of the situation had taken an adverse effect on both Cartman and Craig. But it seemed as though Cartman's determination was pulling him through the situation. Craig on the other hand had been getting about as much sleep as Tweek Tweak. And everyone saw what that did to a kid.

So, when everyone was rushing out the door, attempting to escape the torture that is English, Craig had held the door open for his beloved Jew.

It was only seconds after this that Craig realised the mistake that he had made. He brushed it off though. I mean, one little action couldn't make that much difference, right?

It was only later, when he saw Kyle pressed between a wall and Eric Cartman, lip locked with the fat bastard, that he fully comprehending the consequences of his actions.

**There you go! Because so many people wanted Kyman to win last time, they got it this time.**

**Sorry if the characters are terribly out of character, generally I do not choose to write either Cryle or Kyman. But I gotta get credit for trying right?**

**Next chapter is likely to be Cleek (ClydexTweek) vs Creek coz I feel like it and I like writing Clyde.**

**Please read and review!**


	8. Cleek vs Creek

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own South Park**

**So here's the 8****th**** instalment of this little series.**

**Going a bit unusual with Cleek vs. Creek but I adore Clyde so meh**

**Cleek vs Creek**

No one knew until the day after that Tweek Tweak had gone missing.

His parents assumed that he was staying at a friend's house. He often did to escape their constant fighting.

His friends assumed that the reason for Tweek ignoring their text was due to his fear of painful arthritis of the thumb caused by too much texting, not that he had been taken in the quiet town of South Park.

The mystery was how did Tweek go missing? He would never run away, he had a fear of foreign places. He would not willingly go with a stranger, that was obvious, nor could he be taken by force. You see, Tweek Tweak continued boxing long after his infamous fight with Craig. He could take a man down thrice his size.

He also carried a gun.

So, the suspects became those close to the blonde spaz.

His parents were cleared as a neighbour testified to hearing them fighting all night.

Token Black, the only black kid in South Park, was cleared due to his parents having forced him to practise his instruments and do his homework.

Craig Tucker was a prime suspect. His apathetic personality, his potential for violent fits of rage. And the fact that no one could confirm that he was at Stark's Pond at the time of disappearance.

Clyde Donovan was also a prime suspect. His over emotional ways told the authorities that he could just snap. Everyone knew he was a big softie, but the police wouldn't hear it. Clyde also had no one to confirm where he was at the time of disappearance.

The police investigated for months. They interviewed the suspects over and over again. They followed possible sightings just to find them to be false leads. And then they gave up. They gave up on the blonde boy with the wide eyes. And Tweek's case was left unsolved.

This was devastating news to his friends. Especially Clyde.

Clyde was so devastated due to the fact that he and the blonde had been dating for 3 months. In secret of course. Tweek couldn't handle the pressures of being openly gay. He'd get eaten alive.

And over these 3 months, Clyde had grown to deeply love the boy. He loved the way he twitched when he was nervous. He loved the way he bit his lip when he was concentrating. He loved the look on his face when he took a sip of coffee, like he just found the gateway to heaven.

But Clyde knew he wasn't in heaven now. It was just a gut feeling, but he believed his little spaz was still alive. Somewhere cold and suffering. It broke Clyde's heart. It broke his heart so much that he no longer had any tears left to shed. He was all cried out.

So he became a detective. Token said he should just give up, he was hurting himself more. But Clyde was determined. Clyde also had seen unusual happenings over the last few weeks.

He had seen Craig disappear into the wilderness for 4th and 5th period. Clyde could be mistaken, this could have been happening his entire life, he could be pretty oblivious. But he was getting desperate for his Tweekers. So he followed Craig one day.

It took half an hour to drive to their destination, an old decaying cabin in the middle of nowhere. Clyde parked his car in some trees down the road. He did trust Craig not to do anything but he was a good friend. And good friends don't stalk other friends on the possibility that they have something to do with the disappearance of their one true love.

Clyde snuck close to the old cabin, ducking from tree to tree. He finally settled below a windows whose glass had long been beaten out. He sat for a while, staring at a piece of wood that looked about right to fall right on him, wondering if he was really so desperate to question the innocence of a friend.

He was about to slink his way back to his car, maybe drown this guilt in a taco on the way back to school, when he heard a noise. This noise could be mistaken for the creaking of the old cabin. It could even be mistaken as Craig cracking his knuckles (something he was known to do since Tweek's disappearance). But Clyde knew better. He knew it was the small squeak that would escape his beloveds lips. This squeak would only occur when Tweek was so terrified, like in the middle of the night when the monsters were creeping upon him, that he could no longer make a noise pass his lips. All he could do was sit in fear, hoping for the monsters to disappear.

Clyde looked in the window. Tweek was lying in chains on the floor, even skinnier and paler than he was before the disappearance, with Craig a mere inch from his face. Craig's hand was in his blond locks as he forced their lips together in a painful clash. Large drops fell from the poor blonde's eyes as that squeak once again left his lips.

"It's so nice we're finally together. I've never been so happy". While Craig said that he was so happy, his face portrayed nothing. Those lips were set in the slight frown as usual and those cold blue eyes showed nothing but calculating precision. Same old Craig. Who happened to tie up one of his best friend as he had a misguided obsession with the boy.

Clyde took all this in, from his hiding place below the window, in an increasing horror. Craig. The one person who Tweek trusted as much as himself. The one person who loved Tweek just as much as Clyde. Although, apparently, he loved the boy a little too much.

_Don't worry, Tweek. I'll save you from this monster._

Clyde crept along the wall, towards the entrance of the cabin. He picked up a piece of rotten wood and charged the entrance. One swift blow to the head was all it took to knock Craig out. Clyde was apart of the football team after all.

Things from then on out were as expected.

Clyde freed Tweek from his bonds, kissing him and telling him how glad he was that he was alive. That they could continue their lives as normal.

The cops hauled Craig Tucker off to prison, the jury convicted him within an hour, and this was where he rotted until the day he died. This day came far too fast, as he ended his own life in remorse for what he did to his friend. No one could even see the trouble the boy with the cold blue eyes was in.

But, perhaps, wasn't expected was Tweek and Clyde's lack of happily ever after. Clyde tried, oh yes the sweet innocent boy tried, but whatever he did Tweek would push him away. He assumed this was due to the trauma Tweek had been through. That he did not feel safe to get close to anyone. But Clyde was besotted with the boy. He has never given up. Not until the day that they found Tweek hanging in his bedroom, shortly after Craig had died in jail.

You see, it was not that Tweek felt as though he couldn't get close to no one. No. It was just that he felt close to only one person. The person who had held him captive for three months, in cold and unclean conditions. He fell for the boy in that time and has felt close to him ever since. Death was just another way to be close to the boy with the calculating stare who held him captive.

I believe they call it Stockholm syndrome.

**Hell. This took way longer to post than expected.**

**And initially, Clyde was meant to win. But I think I'll call this a win for Creek. In a way.**

**Next post will be another Dip vs Chip, with a Christmas theme, or ,maybe another one if someone gives me a good enough prompt. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	9. A Dippy Chippy Christmas

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own South Park. =[**

**So, here's a late Christmas special! Featuring the anti-Christ, Pip and our favourite French mercenary. Enjoy!**

**A Dippy Chippy Christmas**

_(Pip's Point Of View)_

It was Christmas morn and, after going to church of course, I was headed down the street that led to my best friends, Damien's, house.

Firmly within my grasp was a present. It was wrapped in black paper with red ribbon. Red like Damien's eyes. Oh how I love those eyes...

With a skip in my step (it is Christmas after all) I approached the large mansion that Damien was privileged enough to live in. Of course many times he had been ever so kind as to let me stay the night when the weather was so bad that it was unbearable to remain in my un-heated apartment.

I rang the bell that was located in the mouth of a stone demon. A shrill scream could be heard echoing throughout the household. A shiver went along my spine. As many times as I rung that bell, I never got used to it.

I heard footsteps approach the door. My heart began to speed up just a little. As you see I have fallen for my best friend. Of course I'd never admit this to him, no, he had to concentrate on his duties and I'd hate to get in the way of that.

As the door opened, I felt a huge smile creep up on my face. I held the present out to Damien and the smile faded when I saw him scowling at it.

"And what the Hell is this, Pip? Are you commemorating the birth of the man that will be my ultimate demise? Do you want me to die?" He yelled this all at me with fire burning in his eyes before slamming the door in my face.

Tears began to prick at my eyes as I placed the present on the doorstep. Perhaps he would like it later. And, with the snow beginning to fall, I started my walk home and realise with dismay that tonight would be one of the nights where the cold would be unbearable.

_(Damien's Point Of View)_

I snarled once the door was closed. That bloody Brits lucky I didn't light him on fire. I mean why would I, Damien Thorne, The anti-Christ, wish to partake in the in the celebration of my rivals birthday? It was a stupid idea.

I sigh realising my mistake. Pip only meant to include me. He's nice like that. A quick dash upstairs for my coat and I'm heading out the door. Those tears on his beautiful face are haunting me. I have to find him and apologise.

I smile. I know I'll be forgiven. It is Pip after all. And then I'll ask him to stay the night at my place because it's far too cold at his and I do so love him in his pjs.

I trip on something on my doorstep and look down. It's the present. I decide to open it up so I could at least tell him that I appreciated it.

After discarding the black paper and red ribbon I open the box. What I see inside makes me feel even guiltier than before.

Sitting innocently in red tissue paper is a delicate gold inverted cross. I stared gaping at it. How could Pip have afforded something like this?

So, after putting the necklace on, I took off after my best friend, and the boy I loved.

_(Christophe's Point Of View)_

I saw the blonde British boy walking down the street. He did this every day, after visiting that stupid boy's house. How he could've been around the blonde so much without so much as having a crush on him, I will never know.

However today was different. Tears trailed down his feminine face and his usual bright demeanour was lost to despair. It broke my heart to see the beautiful boy cry.

And before you call me a sap, know this; The French are lovers, not fighters, and even I sometimes must abide by this rule. Besides, I've killed 50 men in my life. Compared to that, you are the pussy.

I started to approach the boy. He seemed unaware of me coming closer. I took this opportunity to expertly take a red rose from a bush in a stuck up persons garden. This was the nice part of town; they were all stuck up. I was only here visiting Gregory. And he was the most stuck up beetch of them all.

"Bonjour, mon petite blonde" he visibly flinched at the French (Damn, why'd I use my mother tongue, he's British, he obviously wouldn't like it) and looked up wide eyed at me. Like a deer in headlights.

His eyes were red and a few stray tears ran down his cheek. I wiped them away in the softest way I could, smiling at him in what I hoped to be a kind way. He smiled back, so I must have been doing something right.

_(Pip's Point Of View)_

The frenchboy, Christophe I think his name was, had approached me. My initial reaction was to act ignorant and turn on my heel to walk away. He was French. No good could come of the French.

But then he was so tender. He wiped my tears and smiled at me. And not the blood curdling smile I knew he was capable of. No, a sweet smile. A smile of someone who cares. A smile Damien had never given me.

"For you" he offered me a rose. A red rose. The flower of love. I looked in to his eyes, and in their muddy brown depths, that's what I could see. A boy, who didn't even know me was in love with me.

If I was to take the rose, I would be accepting his offer. His offer to be loved. I would be giving up on Damien.

I smiled wider and took the rose. He appeared surprised before leaning in close to my face. He paused just before our lips touched.

"May I?" he whispered against my lips. As a response, I closed the distance between us. His kiss was gentle, kind, just like he was towards me.

And just like that I'd given up my love for my best friend. My cruel, sadistic, anti-christ best friend, who had never treated me kindly. It was possibly the best decision of my life.

_(Damien's Point Of View)_

I ran to catch up with Pip. The blonde was hurt, and I didn't feel right leaving it like that. I had to thank him for the gift, and tell him how I feel. I could feel it; today was the day I would make Pip mine.

But my feelings were wrong. I rounded a corner in time to see that French bastard lean in to kiss my Pip. My sweet innocent Pip. I was expecting him to push him away. What I wasn't expecting was him to lean in to the kiss, a smile on his lips.

I stared, open mouthed. I had lost Pip. I had lost the one person who had always stood by me. The one person I loved.

I sulked back to my house.

"Merry fucking Christmas indeed"

**Wow. That was...bad.**

**Poor Damien. Personally I like both Dip and Chip but Chip doesn't get enough love.**

**The next chapter will be a (late) new year's special featuring Bunny and Cutters.**

**Btw, I translated the French myself! From my one year of high school French! It should mean "Hello, my little blonde" and I double checked on google translate.**

**Next chapter will be Kybe vs. Style which will hopefully be up sometime in the next week and then Candy vs Stendy which should be out a week after that.**


	10. Style vs Kybe

**The 10****th**** instalment! And it has a straight pairing too!**

**Enjoy!**

**Style vs. Kybe**

He knew today was the day. The day that would lead to the rest of his life. And what a glorious life it would be, with his ginger Jew at his side. He knew that after today he'd be the happiest he'd ever been.

He knew this because he could see it in Kyle's eyes. The way he looked at him. Yeah he totally dug the football star, Stan Marsh. Anyone with eyes could see it. And that was okay with dark haired boy. Because he totally dug the Jew back.

It was just a matter of one of them confessing. Then they could openly love each other like Stan was dying to do. Just a confession. And getting rid of that bitch Bebe.

Now, Stan had never _really_ considered Bebe a bitch. Sure, she was annoying when he was with Wendy, and she was a bit of a ditz, but never a bitch. Well, not until she'd started hitting on Kyle.

Not that Stan was worried. He knew the Jew would never go out with her. I mean, he dug Stan, right? But that still didn't make Stan enjoy her hitting on Kyle. He should be the only one allowed to do that.

Stan had asked for Kyle to meet him behind the art block after school today. A secluded area that would also allow him to run out and announce to everyone, including Bebe, that Kyle was his. For now and forever.

The Jew approached him, somewhat nervous looking. Maybe he knew what this meeting was about. Maybe he wasn't aware of how much Stan liked him. Silly boy. It was quite obvious.

"Stan, I've got some news that I think you should know as my super best friend. I'm-"

I interjected before he could say anymore. I wanted to spare the boy his nerves. This obviously wasn't easy on him.

"No, Kyle, I want to say my news first. I love you. And I don't mean in the 'we're super best fiends' sort of way. I love you in the sort of way that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you and share countless memories with you. I want to be your boyfriend"

I didn't give him time to process my speech. I knew he wouldn't need to process it. All he needed to do was react.

I leaned forward and slowly shut my eyes. I expected my lips to slowly touch his and meld together, to confirm that we were together. What I didn't expect was the hand in my face.

He looked at me with conflicted green eyes. He looked scared and worried and overall he looked like he was trying to find the best way to give some bad news. I swallowed. I hope that bad news wasn't for me.

"Stan, I'm sorry, but I'm not gay. I don't mean to hurt you, but it is what it is. And what I was saying, before you interrupted me was that I have a girlfriend. Just as of today. It's-"

Kyle was interrupted for the second time that day. As if on cue, Bebe Stevens walked up to the Jew, what should have been my beautiful Jew, and planted a giant, lip gloss smeared kiss on his lips. What should have been my lips.

She wound her arm with his and began to drag him off. And he just looked back, as if he almost wanted to comfort me, but decided against it.

I'm glad he didn't try comforting me though. It would've made the rejection so much harder.

**Have I ever let Stan win? I don't remember (He's actually one of my least favourite characters; he can work well in couples, but others work better)**

**Next, hopefully posted soon is Stendy vs Candy. Within the next few days if you're lucky.**


	11. Stendy vs Candy

**Stendy vs Candy**

Wendy had tried everything. She ruined his favourite things. She yelled at him over things that were his fault. She even spread rumours about him. You may ask why she did these things. She did them to get some form of angry reaction. To show that he wasn't a pushover.

She never got this reaction. Because Stan Marsh was, indeed, a pushover.

And now Wendy was desperate. She needed to know that there was a man in Stan who would not take this while lying down. So that's why she hit him.

It wasn't a slap across the cheek either. It was a closed fist punch. Right in the nose. As blood began to trickle out of the boys eyes, Wendy actually felt sort of bad. Until he looked at her and managed an unsure smile. Then she was just pissed.

"Why do you let me do that!" Wendy yelled at the boy. His unsure smile got even smaller, as though he didn't want to do the wrong thing. He probably was scared of angering her more.

"Because I love you" His voice was nasal, almost an exact replica of Craig Tucker. He meant the words to be love filled and calm her.

"You're such a pussy. We're over, Stan" and she turned on her heel and walked down the street, not sparing one glance at the black haired boy. If she had, she would have seen those words broke him more than all the hurt she had tried to inflict on him. The sight would have made her sick.

She continued her fast paced walk down the street. She was following her hearts true desire. She had tried to put it off, tried to change Stan to what she wanted. She knew her peers would ridicule her choice. They all thought the boy was mean spirited, had no heart. And they would call Wendy stupid for even considering him. Hell, he'd probably call her stupid too. And, in a way, that's what she wanted.

She knocked on the door and waited. Her heart was racing, pumping blood fast thru her veins. It was almost enough to make her pass out. She almost wished she had.

The door swung open, revealing the massive form of the fat boy Eric Cartman. He smirked at her, the dust of cheesy poofs still on his chin and crumbs down his front. This would have disgusted anyone, except Wendy.

"Well, well, well. If the hippy bitch hasn't grovelled back from her pussy boyfriend. Couldn't handle his wimpyness, so you came to the master. Heh" The fat boy laughed cruelly and, deep in her heart, Wendy knew it was with him she would stay.

**I can't let Stan win, apparently.**

**If the mentions of abuse offended anyone, I'm sorry, but it was necessary for the plot. **

**I'm thinking for the next chapter may be a little different. It'll involve 4 different couples. Not sure how great it'll work but the characters are going to be Kenny, Craig, Tweek and Butters. You'll get what I mean. So it'll be more like a love square I suppose?**


	12. Crenny vs Bunny and Creek vs Beek

**Crenny vs Butters/Creek vs Beek**

Craig Tucker and Kenny McCormick were both assholes when it came to relationships. It was a well-known fact. Kenny was a whore and just up for a good fuck, whereas Craig was a conqueror, and as soon as he knew he could have someone, he no longer wanted them. This was because, once they wanted him, they got emotional. And Craig hated emotional people.

And that's why Kenny and Craig eventually got together. All Kenny wanted was a good fuck, and what Craig wanted was someone who was willing to keep emotions out of the relationship. You may call this a match made in heaven. However, it was more like a match made in hell. This is because, by these two forming a relationship, they left the blondes who loved them heart-broken and in despair.

People pitied these blondes. They were not mean-spirited people and they seemed to have done nothing wrong in their lives, other than loving the emotionless and whoring boys. People believed them to be dim witted, and this was another reason for pitying them. However, they were the furthest from dumb.

Tweek Tweak was very smart actually. And he'd do well on test. If it wasn't for his tendency to panic and freeze. He had a particular knack for math and science. Because in these subjects, there was always a right or wrong answer. No in-betweens. Tweek liked this.

The other blonde was Butters Stotch. His talents lay in what people would describe as English based subjects. English, history, classical studies, he could do well in all. If it wasn't for his parents tendency to take away his study books when he was grounded. They mistake it for some form of entertainment, and so always took them off him. Therefore, Butters was always behind in his work and often couldn't catch up before test. It was just unfortunate that his grades did not reflect his intelligence.

Butters and Tweek were also very good learners. They were able to learn from other peoples behaviours. So, because of this, Butters had learned to be a sex kitten of sorts from hanging out with a certain hooded blonde, while Tweek had learned the ability to be apathetic towards people and relationships from hanging out with an apathetic noirette.

These abilities were about to assist them in the planned they formed. The plan that involved each blonde getting their desired boy to be his.

This plan was based around a simple human emotion. Lust. They hoped to make the sex-based couple lust for them. It supposedly wouldn't be too hard. The couple were already giving in to their animal desires by being together. They felt no emotions for the other. Just lust. So, if the blondes could create a larger lust in the boy they wanted, the couple was doomed for sure. It was quite an evil genius plan. Butters would say his professor Chaos came out in the planning stage.

And what could create more lust than two blondes _together._ They spread news of their supposed escapades throughout the school. They even kissed and acted as a couple in the company of others. This is where Tweek's ability to not care about his relations with others came in handy. He didn't care about the moments he shared with Butters. Sure, on an animalistic level without feelings it felt good. And so that's the level he stayed at.

When it appeared that the two other boys were intrigued by the blonde's activities, they unleashed step two of their plan. Step two had the ability to become quite embarrassing for the boys involved, but they were willing to risk it. Just to get the boys they loved. Like the devoted lovers they were.

Step two was where Butters abilities came in to play. This is because step two was a sex tape. A very kinky sex tape any who saw it may say. But it was only intended for two pairs of eyes; Kenny's and Craig's. It was therefore left in an appropriate location; outside of Craig's house.

It had to appear as if it had been dropped by accident, so it was slightly off to the side of the path. Tweek knew Craig would notice it. Craig always noticed when things were different. They upset his normal lifestyle.

And Craig did indeed see it. And when he saw 'Tweek and Butters; do NOT watch' written on the front, he'd be lying if he didn't say he was intrigued. He invited Kenny over, because even the most unromantic movies ended in sex, between the pair.

However, it did not this time. It ended in Kenny running off to Butters house, where he would proceed to sneak in and have various escapades in between the bed sheets, where Butters proved he was more than enough for the hooded blonde, and with Craig calling Tweek and demanding he come over. Craig even offered him the best coffee they had in the house, the type only his dad was allowed to use, before taking him on the couch. They couldn't make it to the bedroom in time. And Tweek even proved that he didn't need to become an emotional mess when being involved with Craig. He was almost as apathetic as the black haired boy himself.

And, whenever the two blondes who worked together to get the boys they wanted, passed each other in the corridors of school, they would always share a knowing glance. Because they both knew; if they ever got sick of their respective partners, they made quite a good couple themselves.

**Not really a love triangle but y'know.**

**I don't really have any ideas for a new chapter, so if anyone else wants to give me an idea I may run with it. If I can figure out a plot for it.**


	13. ToKenny vs Tyde

**ToKenny vs Tyde**

Token Black's life was already planned out for him. He was meant to get good grades in school and get into a top level university. He was meant to pay for this with his parent's money and, once he was in a high paying job (Which was planned for him) he was to pay him back. And he was meant to eventually marry his high school sweetheart, Clyde Donovan, who would also attend a top level university on a football scholarship. This was all going according to plan, until Token had a fling.

This affair wasn't necessarily the problem. Both he and Clyde were young; from time to time they both have affairs. The proof of how strong their relationship is apparent when they reconcile afterwards. They still both loved each other and that was the main thing.

But this was the problem. Token still loved Clyde, but he had fallen in love with his affair. More in love than he is or ever was with Clyde. And this upset Token Black's life plan.

His affair was someone who would not go far with him. It was unlikely that they would even leave South Park. Their grades were bad, not because they weren't smart, but because they could never afford university anyway so why bother.

His affair was Kenny McCormick. The poorest boy in school. He only still attended the school for the free lunches. Most the time it was the only meal he would have. He had a right to have a negative outlook on life. But he didn't. He was one of the happiest people Token had ever met.

When Token had asked Kenny, after a night of bedtime play, why he was so happy, the poor blonde had chuckled and replied, almost with an undertone of mockery "I'm still alive, aren't I?"

Token continued this affair. He never told Clyde. He still wanted to go ahead with his lifetime plan. But Clyde noticed.

It took him a few months, he wasn't the brightest person after all, but he figured it out. Token was shocked at his reaction. Usually it wasn't so angry. But, then again, Token had always confessed.

There was yelling. There were things thrown, expensive things that belonged to Token's parents, and finally an ultimatum was put to Token.

Clyde glared at him. He was panting from the effort of the argument. He looked Token dead in the eyes and glared, like a bull about to charge.

"It's me or him" Clyde managed to grind out from between his teeth.

Token paused. He considered his life plan, the good times he'd had with the boy he loved in front of him. And then he turned on his heels and walked out of the house, and out of Clyde's life forever.

He walked straight into the arms of the boy he loved, the boy he knew he'd spend the rest of his life with.

Screw plans; he'd just wing it from now on.

**I was going to make Tyde win but it's soo common. So you get this instead.**


End file.
